And my captor shows no sign of letting me go. Her random punishments strike suddenly (vomiting everything we've coaxed her to eat over the last 18 hours, shrieking "My Outside!") and leave me cowed, flinching, and hyper-vigilant. Attempted to escape to the office yesterday. She allowed me to get about 10 miles from home, then, when I could sense freedom, she threw up all over the car seat, forcing me to turn back for home. Don't know how much longer I can go on.
Yesterday, all she had to eat for the first half of the day was ketchup. I am not exaggerating.
She has been sick for eight days, and can't have dairy until things are much more stable (unless I want to be peeling twelve hour digested dairy off my work clothes again). She weighs less than 24 pounds, when healthy, and will be two in less than a month. She's starving, but nothing sounds good.
Here's how things are going:
"Food, pease (vigorously rubbing chest in sign for "please", making winning smile".
"Ok! Do you want some toast?"
"No, food pease!!"
"Toast IS food. Do you want some cereal?"
"NO! Food PEEEASE!!!!"
"Cereal IS food (growing increasingly desperate). How about an apple? Banana? Jello? Popsicle? Tortilla? Raisin? Baloney? Carrot? Potato? Oatmeal?"
By this time, one of us is lying on the floor crying.
Then I just open the fridge door and let her stare, hoping she'll find something she'll eat. Maybe I should just get honest and buy one of the Republicans' "My Carbon Footprint is Bigger Than Yours" bumperstickers.
I love to eat and cook food that tastes good, that is made of high quality and flavorful ingredients, that's locally grown when possible. But it's hard to be a slow food advocate when you'd give anything if your toddler would just swallow some freaking blue jello already.